Some years ago, a leader told me about an employee who was completely overloaded.
She was working late, responding to messages after hours, and carrying more work than anyone could reasonably get done. Her leader could see where this was headed and was genuinely concerned about her burning out.
So they had the conversation many good leaders would have.
“You need to set some boundaries.” “You don’t need to answer emails at night.” “Push back when you have too much on your plate.” “It’s okay to say no.”
All reasonable advice.
But as we talked, I asked what happened when an important project came up last-minute and they needed someone they could count on.
They asked her. Of course they did. She was good. She followed through. She didn’t need much supervision. If something unexpected happened, she figured it out, and quickly, too.
And every time she stepped up, people appreciated it. Her leader thanked her. Her colleagues relied on her. She developed a reputation as someone who could always be counted on.
Then another important project came along at the last minute, she was asked to put out the fire, and the cycle started again.
This is where a behavioral lens changes the conversation.
When someone is overworking, we tend to start with the person. Why does she keep saying yes? Why can’t she disconnect? Why won’t she set better boundaries?
I want to know what they experience in their environment when they do.
When this employee said yes, she solved an important problem. Her leader was relieved, which reinforced asking her to step in at the last minute. She was thanked and recognized for stepping up. People trusted her. Her reputation grew.
Those consequences matter, and they influence how overworking can become a norm.
A leader can sincerely say, “I don’t want you working so much,” while unintentionally maintaining the conditions that make working too much worthwhile.
Most of the time, I don’t think leaders even see the pattern. They see each request individually.
The employee experiences the pattern.
So before telling an overloaded employee to set better boundaries, I’d ask a different question:
What is our environment teaching this person about what happens when they say yes?
How about when they say no?
